


Until your lungs collapse

by pastelstarsandacid



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: I am awful, M/M, My First Work in This Fandom, One Shot, This is what happens when you join the snk fandom kids
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-06
Updated: 2016-01-06
Packaged: 2018-05-12 06:31:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5656045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pastelstarsandacid/pseuds/pastelstarsandacid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>"Here among the ruins we lie,</i><br/><i>twin flames trapped 'neath an iron sky."</i><br/>(Anon, "Skybound")</p><p>Heroes. The brighter they burn, the sooner they fall.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Until your lungs collapse

"No."

The word falls from Eren's lips like a lead weight, but he barely registers it as he gazes down at the bloody scene before him. Twisted limbs and shattered bones, linked together in a dance-macabre, seem to mock him in the dull half-light.

 

There will be no survivors here.

 

Even so, his battered, aching body blazes with a surge of strength, and he staggers down to pick his way through the rubble, calling out for any response as the mechanical, desperate instinct instilled in every human being takes over- the innate need to find, to protect, to locate another's heartbeat to pierce the desolate silence of death.

 

He finds a hand first. It's torn and bloodied and he shouldn't have even registered it as he stumbles through the ruins, his pleas for someone, _anyone,_ growing hoarse and panicked, but still strangely quiet (why can't he muster more than a whisper? Is he afraid to break the quiet, smothering stillness? A bird seems to have no such qualms; it keens mournfully as it soars into the thick, ashy air, its feathers glinting dully in the sunset.) as if he dreads what he'll find, should his cries be heard. But the weak, fading light of the sun's rays cruelly glances off the band of silver encircling the index finger, drawing Eren's horrified gaze like a moth to a flame.

 

His hands shake and his vision blurs as he inspects it more closely. He _knows_ this ring, right down to the small dents where its owner had punched a wall in frustration, and the slight corrosion near the edge from repeated exposure to dirt, titan blood and who knows what else. But his mind clings desperately to some twisted hope. _Perhaps its isn't what you think,_ a sibilant voice hisses in his ears. People can lose entire limbs and still live, can't they?

 

(They can, he's seen it before. They must _,_ surely, because there's no way he's gone, he can't believe it, he _won't-)_

 

Then he finds the body.

 

Chits of white bone, like shards of china, scatter the ground, which is churned and soaked with blood. The right arm ends in a torn stump; the left leg is twisted beyond repair, crushed with such force that it's half-buried in the ground. Blood no longer flows from the flayed, gaping rent in its chest. The face, however, is perfectly intact, barely even touched by the filth and gore surrounding it, like a sick joke to make sure he won't even deny for another second, can't delay for a few minutes the raw grief as he foolishly tries to convince himself that there's a chance he might still be alive. Then his lips form the name he promised he wouldn't speak here, in this cesspit of decay, because he _can't_ be here, it isn't right, it isn't fair, he won't-

 

"Levi" he chokes.

 

Then he's screaming, white-hot agony burning through his every vein as he spits every curse under the sun at the unforgiving sky; everything fades and turns to pain until his voice gives out and breaks, and he gags at the hot, slick blood that coats the back of his throat.

 

"You can't go." he sobs as he grasps Levi's lapels and shakes him- _stupid idiot, you're too late_ his mind screams- before his face twists into a mask of rage and he snarls "Wake up! Wake up, damn you! Do you hear me? You are _not_ _dying here!"_ His tears threaten to overwhelm him, but he swallows them angrily. "I don't give a shit if you're missing a hand, get up! You never let anything like that stop you before! Hell, Erwin lost a whole arm and carried on fighting! So don't you _dare_ die on me, d'you understand?"

 

Levi, of course, gives no answer; just continues to stare up at the sky with empty, expressionless eyes.

 

He finally breaks down, then, and allows Levi's body to fall limp at his feet, so small and pathetic and _dead._ Gone is the dormant, coiled strength that lies in his every movement. Gone is the light in those narrow but strangely warm grey eyes, now glassy and clouded over, as if all the emotion inside them condensed into some toxic mixture of fear and pain. Levi no longer exists- this is just an empty shell.

 

The last of Eren's adrenaline fades, and he lets his head sag and fall to rest on Levi's mangled chest, so cold and unfamiliar without the strong, steady heartbeat that once sounded beneath it.

 

"We were going to see the ocean." he whispers through numb lips, trying his best to pretend that Levi is just asleep and he's trying not to wake him, like he once did in another, happier age. His vision dims and flickers like a dying flame. "But I guess we won't now."

 

Exhaustion finally overtakes him, then, and as he sinks into the comforting solace of darkness, a part of him can't help but hope that won't wake up again.

 

* * *

 

They find them like that, lying in the same position. The cause of Levi's death is clear as day, painted in the filth and gore that spatters the bloody dirt. Eren's is harder to figure out. He seems to be sleeping, but the lack of pulse; the cold, stiff texture of his skin begs to differ. In the end, they assume he must have succumbed to the grip of fatigue, run himself into the ground by shifting one too many times.

 

What they have no explanation for, however, is the fact that they can't break Eren's grip on Levi's torn, filthy jacket, cemented in place with dried blood, so strong even in death. In the end, they toss their bodies on the funeral pyre together, unwilling to deface Eren's body by breaking his fingers, or disrespect Levi's sacrifice and cut the wings that ultimately felled him from his jacket.

 

They lie there, as the flames consume them with a savage hunger, fallen across each other like lovers trapped in a final, deathly embrace.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry. That was mean.
> 
> Title is from In Fear and Faith's "Relapse Collapse", if you didn't know.
> 
> Feedback is always appreciated!


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